Today I did something that I normally don’t do–I asked for help.
I was struggling today during work. When it got to about lunchtime, I couldn’t decide what I should eat. I had leftovers but I didn’t like them originally. I didn’t want to make anything else. Should I order takeout? Doordash is so expensive. And unhealthy. What’s left in the fridge again? Should I make something frozen?? Fudge it, I’ll make some scrambled eggs and coffee.
In the middle of eating my lunch, I broke. I sent a few more emails and something in my inbox must have triggered me to write a full page in my journal of why I was feeling overwhelmed or what was on my mind. I felt like I still had no guidance on what I needed to do next. Action is the antidote for anxiety, right?
My employer works with a company that has free counseling. I looked up the information and saw that they have a text messaging service–neat! For the next 3 hours, I’m speaking to a random person about my thoughts. While they didn’t discourage my feelings, I’m not sure I got what I was looking for.
I’m not sure if I became self-aware, but how do I know if my emotions and feelings are valid? What if my mind is playing a trick on me? Or it could be some sort of physical hormonal imbalance? What if what I’m feeling isn’t actually true?
At the end of my messages with the unknown counselor, I’m one small step closer to an answer–I need to learn how to relax, lol. Typing it out this time literally made me laugh out loud. RELAX. For years, I’ve been trying to relax. I don’t know how to unpack my notion of relaxing over text messages to someone, but that’s when I mentally decided to quit speaking to this person or people (who knows). I honestly cannot remember the last time I felt relaxed. Three hours of cycling through my thoughts whilst crying and trying to keep up with some work. Relax…
When I ask for guidance or help, I’m never sure what I’m going to get out of it. I rarely ask for help. I work through my own problems and learn from them. Heck, I love helping others and working through their problems, too. I’ve learned today–on my own but talking it out with this rando person(s)–that I like to help others more than I can recharge. Let me rephrase. What I like to do expends my energy more than I’m used to and I’m unable to recharge to full to continue at the same pace. The answer that fixes this is to RELAX. All of the things I’ve done lately are supposed to recharge me like journalling, skincare, exercise, etc. I still can’t recharge to full.
My homework assignment (because I can’t relax) is to try to make some mental boundaries so that I can recharge for work and relax in my own home. I also need to try to clean my home–one major source of stress for me. Having two dogs and a cat can really mess up the home.
I don’t regret reaching out and asking for guidance. I always tell my team to ask for help if they need it or if they need to talk something out, ask me or a colleague. I didn’t get all of my answers but I am one step closer to finding peace.
What do you do to recharge and/or relax? How do you set mental boundaries?
KatD0m 